Representer Bella Swan
by pengirl100and2
Summary: Gosh. Is it too much to ask for a day to mope and spend with Edward? Apparently so, there seem to be a bunch of people referring to each other as nations on her yard, and Bella's not happy. Or mad, or sad, or... any emotion, really. A pointless one-shot to hopefully make you laugh. Rated for Alfred.


Bella Swan was doing her usual biz of sitting around waiting for the next meaningful character to show up. She stared out the window looking miserable and emotionless, and suddenly there was a pop on her front lawn. A bunch of reasonably attractive men were standing on her lawn bickering, and because Edward was late, she dully wandered out to look at them.

A brunette with too much energy skipped up to her, tipping his head. "Vee, are you her?"

She shrugged. "I'm Bella."

The man's eyes went all weird. You know, shiny and sparkly and... what was it? Happy?

"Doitsu I found her!" He threw a hand in the air and started waving. His perpetual cheer was irritating, not to mention the weird way he held his mouth, all curved up at the ends.

'Doitsu' or whatever he'd been called came up and looked at her, then his paper. "So then you're..." he shuffled them with an irritable scowl.

"Dude she's Bella Swan the weirdest vampire chick ever!" A blonde with a cowlick, a burger, and a copy of Twilight ran up, grin a thousand watts too bright. "Main character and narrator of the coolest series!"

A thickly-eyebrowed Englishman responded with a scoff. "Alfred I can't say I find those books the least bit agreeable."

"Stop judging me!" Alfred looked at the book like a priest might the Bible. "It's so touching and thrilling and the main leads are just-" his eyes went swooney and he fanned himself with the book, looking happy. "You just gotta read it Iggy, and see all the movies."

"I'm going to pretend I didn't hear you just admit you're in love with a trashy British actor and a boy who never wears a shirt." Iggy smirked, though it dropped rapidly from his face when Alfred ran up to glomp him fiercely with a mischevious look.

"Be my vamp, Igg-"

"NO! Ugh, get off me!-"

"Or a pixie if you prefer-"

"I swear to Diana's grave if you don't shut up then-"

"Then you'll punish me? Ooh la la-"

"And stop acting like that idiot bloody frog!"

"Non-"

A man with a blue tunic (*cough*_dress_*cough) sashayed (there was no other word for that walk) up to the bickering duo and cut in. "Oui, Amerique, I agree with Angleterre for once. Do stop butchering my styles. It makes me sad."

"Well, if it makes you sad. Sure wouldn't want you to be hurt." Alfred winked and extracted himself from the Brit's grasp and what appeared to be a chokehold.

The 'Doitsu' guy squinted at them and facepalmed, then held out a paper (finally!) for Bella to sign.

"What's this..."

"A contract zat you are in fact ze nation personification of Forks, Vashington, characterized by paleness, misery, and total obscurity until your breakout books."

"..wha~?"

"Just sign it, madmoiselle," the French sighed, then got a mischevious gleam in his eye. "Add your phone number, too-"

"Don't listen to him, ve," the original first brunette cut in. "France-nii-chan plays a lot of tricks." He paused and looked sad, then clung to 'Doitsu', sniffling. "Germany~"

Germany/Doitsu tried to ignore the hug, despite blushing red, then put an arm around the brunette as Bella signed her name on the line and blinked. "Do I have to do anything else?"

"Zat vill do," Germany tucked the paper away, "just vatch out for a man vith a tan coat who goes by ze name of Ivan Braginski, und if you recieve an offer to be vun vith Mozher Russia, it is in your best interest to deny."

"Ciao, Miss Bella~!" The brunette calls as he is pulled away by Germany, and all the strange men gather around the Brit, who opens somekind of portal for them to go through into a suspiciously anime-like world.

Bella merely sighed, and sludged back inside.

* * *

**...**

**There was no point to this, was there. ****I hope you liked it! It was kinda fun for me to write, hope it at least made you smile or something.**

**I like bashing Twilight. Especially Bella. *cough**cough* *smile of sunshine and innocence* I said nothing!****I've seen all the movies/read the books and I used to like them, but... I dunno. The magic's gone for me, I really dislike the movies I feel like Kristen Stewart kinda killed what little life there was to Bella.**

**I do not own the characters, just my weird little plot.**

**And if you liked it, please review! :D**

**If not... don't judge me I was all alone and bored -_-**

**:D hasta la pasta, la bella lettori~!**


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